Today I want to talk about your inner child. The one that carried you from birth and delivered you in to adulthood. The one that often waits patiently for you to pay attention to her while you play adults with your friends and family.
NB: If you don’t have time to read or prefer to listen to it click on the SoundCloud button now and it will take you to the audio version.
I know you are busy and you might even think that this inner child stuff is selfish, self-indulgent and a waste of valuable time, but I am here to tell you that the more you believe that, the more you probably need to listen because you are in denial and seriously at risk of self-rejection and a deep sense of loneliness and abandonment that you can’t quite put your finger on in order to heal.
In fact, if you live with any degree of anxiety, depression, self-doubt, low self-esteem, if you are sensitive and easily hurt, if you feel like you can’t control your emotions at times, if you struggle to manage your appetite or if you have addictions of any kind, and if you throw wobblies – yes I mean tantrums – when you don’t get your way, then you have an inner child that requires some serious attention and you will be amazed at how different you will feel when you give in and indulge her with some quality time and attention.
Every moment of your life through to adulthood produced a new version of you. There is you when you were one, you when you were two, you when you were three and so on. There is also you when you were yelled at by your dad, and you when you were disappointed and let down by your mum, there is you when you were pushed over by a kid at school and you when your best friend called you a loser and walked off with someone else. There is you when your uncle looked at you in a lustful way that made you feel like you’d done something wrong, and you when your first boyfriend told you that you were too clingy and emotional before he promptly moved on to someone else. Sadly, for some of you there are versions of you that are much more hurt and damaged and they are in a lot of pain. There are without a doubt many versions of you that you pushed to the side and chose to ignore or reject because someone else told you that that particular version of you wasn’t lovable or desirable or deserving of love and you didn’t know any different at the time.
Where this all becomes a problem for you is when you have a long list of little versions of you lined up looking for resolution and forgiveness and understanding and love, and the need for those things does not go away just because you have labelled that part of yourself as a sook or a princess and then told yourself to have a cup of concrete.
Resolution comes from developing the type of relationship with yourself and your inner child that instils a deep sense of trust in yourself and you can do that by following four simple steps which I promise will not only help you to have a richer, juicier life, but will actually give you more time and energy because you are not spending so much time resisting yourself.
What are those four steps?
- First you have to acknowledge that something isn’t right and that you need to take some time out to explore what is going on inside
- Then you have to ask yourself what part of you needs your attention most right now
- Once you have established what version of you that you are talking to, ask her what her pain is and what she needs from you right now. Listen to her answer
- And finally, make a commitment to yourself to do your best to make it right for her, and make sure you follow through on that commitment
We cannot change the past. But we can change the way we feel about ourselves in relation to the past and to specific events.
In these four steps you have acknowledged yourself, validated your feelings by listenning, found out what the underlying need is and made a promise to make it right to the best of your ability. It is no different to the relationships you have with others. The more you follow these steps, and follow through on your promises to yourself, the stronger your relationship is going to become. Chances are that if you have had anxiety and depression for much of your life, it’s because no one has consistently been there for you, and no one has shown you how to be there for yourself. You haven’t experienced security in your life or people took advantage of your vulnerability, so changing your relationship with yourself in this way will change all of that for you.
I have conducted so many inner child workshops for individuals and it is without a doubt the work I love most of all. Watching someone come face to face with their whole selves (pain and all), and watching them make the promise to be there for themselves in the future, never to ignore or abandon themselves ever again, is such a healing and beautiful connection to witness.
Life cannot be the same ever again. It has to be richer, deeper, juicier and more meaningful because in the place of rejection there is now love and acceptance, understanding and forgiveness. Through this process a fractured person becomes whole and now has a new benchmark for their relationship with their self and with others.
Please watch this video of these beautiful and talented young ladies, India and Ella (who just happen to be friends with my son) singing Little Me and make the commitment to yourself to be there for you from now on. If you feel inclined, journal what you would like to say to your “Little Me”. What does she need to hear from you right now? What do you need her to hear?
And if you would like more information about an Inner Child Session please contact me here.
I am looking forward to working with you, for you and alongside you while you create your very own Juicy Life in 2016
If you want to jump start your Juicy Life join me on a 21 Day Body Love Challenge starting on Tuesday February 15th.
Go here to get the details and message me if you want any more information.
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