Are You Having or Being? Resilience part VI

Given that our thoughts underpin all of our feelings, and literally create our experience of life, a big part of learning to be resilient means learning to make conscious choices about where we focus our attention, and I’m not just talking about what ‘things’ to focus on.

More importantly, we need to ask ourselves what state we want to give our attention to? A state of having or a state of being?


I received the following in my inbox this morning from Charlie Gilkey @ Productive Flourishing and I had to share it with you.

Charlie wrote:  “We’re in the having mindset when we’re thinking about what different things – usually material things – we want to have in our life. We’ll be much happier when we have that beachside home, that new car, that degree, that new job, that new business opportunity, etc. In the having mindset, our happiness is contingent on us having something else.

The being mindset is much different because it forces us to think about what state we want to be in. When you think about it, the being mindset is that layer under the having mindset; we want to have certain things so that we can feel certain ways. That beachside home allows us to be at peace and relaxed. That new job allows us to feel more confident and be involved in better projects. Having more money allows us to enjoy our lives to a degree that not having it doesn’t.

But here’s the deal: having doesn’t necessarily bring about the being. We get the new beachside home and aren’t any happier because it’s more stuff. The new job increases pressure. When we get more money, we spend more money.

As we get further into the summer, I encourage you to think more about the states of being you want to be in and how you can find them every day. You might find that you already have everything you need. Find the route “straight to happiness” and enjoy the walk down it.”

I could not have said it better myself Charlie.  Thanks.


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